Photo credit: themindsjournal.com
I can sense the depth of my emotions as I prepare to write this blog with my reflection on my friend, Carlene. Simply scanning the pictures has taken me a few years down memory lane.
There are not enough words to justify all I could say about this woman who is also featured on “It’s in the Music page”.
My memory is quite clear of how our friendship began 18 years ago. My own mother had passed a few months prior to our introduction.
Losing a parent leaves a huge hole in your heart. There are really no words for the magnitude of its impact. All you can do is move forward and be so grateful for the memories, the lessons learned, and the heritage imparted. It’s also wise to be willing to accept someone else into that empty space. Not as a replacement of course but more so to help you move past the grief and accept what life holds for the future.
Counseling taught me how we humans are wired for connection. Most of us have tried to solo it at least once in our lifetime while some live their entire lives as loners. I for one would not be a good candidate for such an isolated life. I must have people.
It will serve my soul well to write about my friend Carlene. Her friendship has made me rich in ways I have not known before. I will forever be grateful.
It all began on a very cold winter evening. One of those times when you would rather be home watching TV wrapped up in your favorite blanket. My friend and music partner, Dwayne, called to tell me to grab my banjo – he was taking me to “The Opry”. Playing music trumped the cold weather and away we went.
We arrived at a small building with cars parked on every side. Little did I know my feet were stepping into the place that would not only become my new Friday night hangout but also offered a healing balm for a heart with a big fresh wound.
Behind those doors was a small stage and at least 100 old theater seats filled with people. There was standing room only which meant if you were standing you were most likely in line to receive a happily prepared hotdog or nacho and a hot beverage from the never-ending pot of coffee! The LONGTOWN OPRY had just made a big footprint on the days to come.
I barely had time to inhale a hotdog before Dwayne and I were invited to join the band for a few tunes. My new friend to be, Carlene, was the center of a trio of three fiery red-headed women dressed to the nines in sequins and bling. Their harmony was seamless.
Writing this literally fills my soul with love and my eyes with tears!
Dwayne took his seat at the keyboards and I waited for the cue to start picking that banjo. (because that’s all I knew to do). The music started and I was engulfed in love and fun. The cold air outside of that place was no longer a thought or a concern. I felt like I was drinking a refreshing glass of water after a long hard walk. We finished our tune and Carlene said “ I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THEY FOUND YOU”!
After the show we closed down the local hamburger dive and needless to say, the rest is history.
Until I moved a few years later, we didn’t miss a Friday night of music or midnight hamburgers, fries, and endless laughter.
Carlene lived in a small apartment just a few blocks from my house. I would randomly show up at her door with a guitar in hand and ready to eat her awesome brownies. She was and still is a breath of fresh air to everyone who crosses her path. She is one of those people with a big presence, never-ending wit, and abundant love.
In a nutshell, she filled a spot in me that desperately needed to be filled at that time in my life.
Moving away didn’t keep me away. Regular phone calls, visits, and a few long weekends at our home filled the holidays and summers. Without anticipation or hesitation, we archived her audio memoir on one of her weekend visits. She told every story she could think of about her life. (she actually filled two CDs). Certainly a project I would recommend to anyone. We all have a story to tell and no one can tell it like us.
I could write an entire book with memoirs of our friendship but the heart of this blog is to point at the value of ALL RELATIONSHIPS. There are so many facets to genuine friendship. All too often we tend to take those golden nuggets of blessings for granted. Time is hardly a thought as we are living in the moment. Yet things seem to change suddenly when years have passed. Memories become priceless treasures as the light begins to dim in a person we cannot even imagine being absent in our daily lives.
I visited Carlene last month shortly after her 90th birthday with my guitar in hand and music in my heart. Her eyes searched deep into mine as she worked hard to regain her memory. She said, “It feels as though I’ve known you for a very long time”. After a short chat, the sound from the strings on the guitar began to sharpen her mind. Although much fainter than ever before, lyrics and harmony began to follow the melodies so familiar to both of us. She sang, I cried. Her wittiness and laughter once again filled gaps between the good memories of the past and the current moment.
Lunchtime came and it was time for me to leave. I told her I would be back as soon as possible and blew her a kiss that she happily returned.
The drive home brought the reflection of the many times we had exchanged the airborne kiss. It’s a small gesture packed with love beyond understanding and unspoken memories held in our hearts.
Is loving not the most fulfilling and painful thing we must endure throughout life? Why can’t there be a handbook somewhere to tell us how to navigate loss and guide us through managing the real emotions of grief? Time has no mercy. If anything, it only goes faster! These are the questions in life that even the wisest of the wise cannot fully answer.
I leave you with this encouragement. Embrace the Carlene’s in your lives. Do something BIG to honor them while they are on this earth. Celebrating the memories with them will lend the opportunity to create new ones. I am here to tell you, nothing you can do will ever hold more value than sweet time spent with those you love. Do it for you and do it for them and by all means
Enjoy the Journey – VB
Robert D Smith’s “20,000 Days and Counting” holds a space on my shelf of favorite books. I’ve never heard anyone else articulate how to enjoy the journey better than he!
Fall time is here and it may be time to start your BLOGGING dream!
It’s only a click away….This is where I started!