Thanksgiving and Christmas are quickly approaching along with the dilemmas and excitement of the family gathering. There is certainly a pile of other issues to occupy our minds from a national and global level. However, the family gathering scales it back to the tiny spaces we occupy in our homes. The expectation of the troops coming home for the holiday can bring excitement as well as apprehension. It just depends on who you are and what is trending in your family dynamics.
I recently heard a podcast that addressed the topic of properly “expressing our emotions”.
I found it most interesting because many of us don’t know HOW to properly express emotions. I was over 50 years old before I figured out that I had never been taught to express feelings. We simply learn to function in the environments in which we are born.
Some folks are very emotionally healthy if they have been fortunate enough to be in a family that has overcome their own obstacles of dysfunction. I was not that person so it took intentional effort on my part to make it happen. I am sure glad I made that decision because ultimately it will break a weak link of bad behavior in the generations to come. Furthermore, prayerfully it will also make for more pleasant holidays in the future!
Although my intentions and expectations have been positive, our family has not been exempt from stress-charged atmospheres when we have come together through the years. My own emotional healing has recently helped diffuse some situations and open my heart to understanding others a bit better.
You see, suppressing our own emotions leaves us with another rock stacked on the existing pile of debris labeled “unworthiness”. I sat under that pile of dung for many years. It literally strangled me by the throat when emotions would try to surface. I did not know how to express them whether they were good or bad. This had positioned me in a “victim mentality “ when others would appropriately or inappropriately express their feelings.
I truly believed everything was my fault when chaos broke out. As a child, the condemnation manifested itself as fear. Adulthood brought a belief system that had been so altered by fear that my emotional behaviors were very shallow. My walls of protection had been strategically built around my internal emotional structure to a point that I was in my own self-made prison.
I remember the day my counselor made the suggestion of living without my well-built wall of protection. Initially, the idea seemed absurd. Something I could not even imagine. I eventually succumbed to the idea and I broke out of that prison.
I leave you with this word of encouragement. If you can relate to this part of my story, choose this time of the year to make the decision to break down the prison walls. The one thing I can tell you for sure is YOU may be the CHANGE your family has long-awaited. The dynamics change when you begin to model something different.
Most importantly – you will not store the toxic sludge of suppressed emotions. You will politely exchange the false burdens of someone else’s bad behavior to maintain your internal peace. Your load will be lighter and you will be able to focus on the main thing. THE FAMILY GATHERING! We are in uncertain days. We must
ENJOY THE JOURNEY – VB
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